Isn't it weird that Dick Clark died the year we're not supposed to have a New Years?

Legendary television producer, rockstar and host of Time Square's New Year's Rockin' Eve, Dick Clark, died last Wednesday of a heart-attack after having prostate surgery the day before. Transurethral Resection of the Prostate Surgery is usually a very low risk and considered "exceedingly safe" by the American Urological Association. The risk is less than one is 1,000, which is why it's so peculiar that it's this surgery that did the ageless icon in. Many will still remember him as the cute teenager from American Band Stand, but for Ryan Seacrest, co-host of Clark's New Years Eve program on ABC, he will be remembered as "Smart, charming, funny, and always a true gentleman. I learned a great deal from him, and I'll always be indepted to him for his faith and support of me." New Years will truly never be the same.
http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/18/showbiz/dick-clark-reax/index.html

Sperm Are People Too

Oklahoma State Senator, Constance Johnson, defends her satirical "spilled semen" amendment to the proposed "personhood" bill. The Oklahoma "personhood" bill would define human life as beginning at the moment of conception. So in a satirical response, Johnson created an amendment to the legislation that would make it illegal for men to spill their semen outside of a woman's vagina (this includes masturbation) drawing attention to the hypocrisy and inconsistency of the proposal. She explains that as a woman and a State Senator she is increasingly offended by state law trends that focus solely on the female's role in the reproductive process.The "personhood" bill wouldn't just outlaw abortion, it would also affect common birth control methods methods, the treatment of ectopic pregnancy's, in vitro fertilization, and stem cell research. "My amendment seeks to draw attention to the absurdity, duplicity and lack of balance inherent in the policies of this state in regard to women." says Johnson. She finds it far more important that her state address issues such as affordable health care to help improve her states ranking of 48th in health status; to create good, secure jobs that grow our economy; and ensure that all citizens have access to quality, affordable education. But she will not stand idly by while this hypocrisy to women is being overlooked.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2012/feb/09/spilled-semen-amendment-oklahoma-personhood-bill

Tales From The War On Women

Republican Scott Walker did nothing to deny the charge that republicans have launched a "War on Women" until the Monday after he silently signed three controversial bills limiting the access of abortion services, sex education, and repealing the states Equal Pay Enforcement Act. The press release for these bills, signed on Thursday, was not sent out until Friday, also listing 50 other bills he'd signed the day before. Among these bills is one that bans abortion coverage through a health insurance exchange and one that requires women to undergo a private examination with a doctor away from her friends and family. Another bill requires teachers to teach abstinence as the only sure way to prevent pregnancy in sex education courses and eliminates the education of contraception. He also signed SB 202 which repeals the Equal Pay Enforcement Act. The Equal Pay Enforcement Act, passed in 2009, gave workers opportunities to pursue complaints about pay discrimination in the work place and press charges where necessary. The repeal the Walker signed is now known as Act 219. Republicans explain: "Take a hypothetical husband and wife who are both lawyers...the woman takes time off, raises kids, is not go go go... The husband is making 200 grand a year, the woman is making 40 grand a year. It wasn't discrimination. There was a different sense of urgency in each person...you could argue that money is more important for men." -State Sen. Glenn Grothman, April 7th, 2012.
But the "War on Women" has taken root. New poll shows that likely republican candidate Mitt Romney trails Obama among women voters by 19 points.
Scott Walker Quietly Signs Anti-Abortion Measures, Repeals Equal Pay Act, Ahead of Easter Weekend.

Death by Hummus: Hummuscide

Tragedy struck Gibraltar High School when the entire cast of Anything Goes experienced death by hummus only a week before the performance. We turn to the one survivor, Evan Board, to relate the story to us: Evan Board, an extremely popular freshman amongst the theatre crowd, was cast as the understudy to every single part in the show along with his pre-existing part as the purser. He became close, and eventually seduced, every  cast member, stirring up troubles and mistrust with their overbearing mothers and getting inside their heads. Evan filled in for every part when the entire cast failed to show up to first dress rehearsal (due to a long night of partying that had been arranged by Evan) sparking many nervous breakdowns. The cast began having disturbing hallucinations of physically becoming their role, and to top it off, they imagined Evan in their dressing in their costumes saying that he'd take over for them. Out of fear and rage, they stabbed him with a broken hummus jar, or so they thought. It turns out that they were actually hallucinating the whole time and they had actually stabbed themselves with the hummus jar. But despite the piece of hummus glass stuck in their stomach, they each finished the performance with more emotion and integrity than they ever had, and as the curtain closed they each uttered their last words "It was perfect". Anything Goes, now starring Evan Board as every part, opens April 13th. Tickets are available at the DCA box office.