7 ways to leave SNL

This past weeks SNL was not only the season finale brilliantly hosted by rock icon Mick Jagger, but also what seemed to be the last show for 7 year cast member Kristen Wiig. The bridesmaids star and Oscar nominee was praised by fake principle, Mick Jagger, in a mock graduation sketch at the end of the show for her good work over "the past 7 years. (She got held back)" and proceeded to dance with with her costars to Arcade Fire performing the Stones "She's a Rainbow" and "Ruby Tuesday". Fellow cast member Andy Samberg almost prompted a wardrobe malfunction when he picked her up and spun her around in her mini skirt which she frantically pulled down. The digital short genius is also rumored to be leaving the show due to the line in his most recent "Lazy Sunday" short: "On these New York streets I hone my fake rap penmanship/ That's how it began, and that's how I'm-a finish it". SNL veterans Amy Poehler and Rachel Dratch also joined Wiig on the stage for her last dance, joining their friends on the stage of a show they never really left. Amy Poehler along with Tina Fey know the feeling, as they both left the show to pursue their now successful TV shows, which leaves the question: What will Wiig do now?
7 ways to leave SNL:
1: For a TV series
2: For a film career
3: For a family
4: For a life
5: Natural causes
6: With a wardrobe malfunction or hints in your rap songs
7: And let's not forget the members who disappear early on in their career who we can't remember

She'll probably just pursue her movie career.
http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1685472/kristen-wiig-snl-finale.jhtml

Kissing Butt

It all began when a baby leaf monkey in a Chinese zoo ate a peanut thrown by a zoo visitor, and do to this monkey's lack of grinding teeth to break the peanut down, it got lodged in his intestine, threatening the life of the monkey. So of course, there was nothing left to do but have the zoo keeper lick the monkey's butt for an hour until it pooped the peanut out. Zookeeper Zhang Bangshen, 50, had no option but to resort to this form of treatment because the monkey was too small for medication to help it defecate the nut. And apparently too small for more traditional method of a warm cloth. Or perhaps a small sponge or damp q-tip? But all's well, Bangshen reportedly "laughed with satisfaction" after the monkey passed the peanut.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/03/zoo-keeper-licks-monkeys-butt_n_1475873.html

Super Box Office Numbers

The Avengers were box office super heroes as they ranked in over 200 million dollars opening weekend, beating out Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 2, The Dark Knight,The Hunger Games and breaking the world record for best opening weekend in hollywood history. However, according to Tony Medley of the Tulican Times, it was "nothing but 2:20 of special effects and ridiculous fights... It's like all the superheroes are trying out at the Improv to see who can give the best one-liner, and none of them do". In comparison, The Avengers made almost twice as much in their opening weekend as The Graduate's entire domestic total gross, and The Graduate is number 17 on the AFI top 100 movie list. Box office numbers reflect how many people were persuaded into going to see a movie after they saw the commercials or read something about it, the actual substance of a movie is not being measured. So when you see that The Avengers took the box office by storm last weekend, what does it say about the movie. It says that it's popular, but popularity does not equal quality.
http://boxofficemojo.com/alltime/weekends/

Project Glass

How technology effects relationships has been a recent hot topic thanks to ACT writing questions, in-class-essays and Geo-Con debates, which is why the irony of Google unveiling yet another mobile gadget is so potent at the moment. "Project Glass" is merely Google's concept of augmented reality glasses (Glasses that could make video calls, take pictures, tell you directions and keep a schedule through voice commands. Essentially an smart phone in the form of eye-wear.) But the release of Google's concept video on you-tube depicting a day in the life of a person who uses Google's augmented reality glasses is what's giving this some-what unbelievable idea all the hype. The depiction seems rather lonely, as the "date" mentioned in the user's schedule at the beginning of the day by the glasses turned out to be only a video chat, again through the glasses. However, the video did not show the user pulling out an smart phone or logging onto a social network of any kind (seeming trouble for facebook and apple). Is this a step forward in face-to-face communication? Or is Google merely replacing many technological isolaters with one big technological isolater?
http://socialbarrel.com/google-project-glass-what-would-it-make-of-apple-and-facebook/36908/

Isn't it weird that Dick Clark died the year we're not supposed to have a New Years?

Legendary television producer, rockstar and host of Time Square's New Year's Rockin' Eve, Dick Clark, died last Wednesday of a heart-attack after having prostate surgery the day before. Transurethral Resection of the Prostate Surgery is usually a very low risk and considered "exceedingly safe" by the American Urological Association. The risk is less than one is 1,000, which is why it's so peculiar that it's this surgery that did the ageless icon in. Many will still remember him as the cute teenager from American Band Stand, but for Ryan Seacrest, co-host of Clark's New Years Eve program on ABC, he will be remembered as "Smart, charming, funny, and always a true gentleman. I learned a great deal from him, and I'll always be indepted to him for his faith and support of me." New Years will truly never be the same.
http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/18/showbiz/dick-clark-reax/index.html

Sperm Are People Too

Oklahoma State Senator, Constance Johnson, defends her satirical "spilled semen" amendment to the proposed "personhood" bill. The Oklahoma "personhood" bill would define human life as beginning at the moment of conception. So in a satirical response, Johnson created an amendment to the legislation that would make it illegal for men to spill their semen outside of a woman's vagina (this includes masturbation) drawing attention to the hypocrisy and inconsistency of the proposal. She explains that as a woman and a State Senator she is increasingly offended by state law trends that focus solely on the female's role in the reproductive process.The "personhood" bill wouldn't just outlaw abortion, it would also affect common birth control methods methods, the treatment of ectopic pregnancy's, in vitro fertilization, and stem cell research. "My amendment seeks to draw attention to the absurdity, duplicity and lack of balance inherent in the policies of this state in regard to women." says Johnson. She finds it far more important that her state address issues such as affordable health care to help improve her states ranking of 48th in health status; to create good, secure jobs that grow our economy; and ensure that all citizens have access to quality, affordable education. But she will not stand idly by while this hypocrisy to women is being overlooked.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2012/feb/09/spilled-semen-amendment-oklahoma-personhood-bill

Tales From The War On Women

Republican Scott Walker did nothing to deny the charge that republicans have launched a "War on Women" until the Monday after he silently signed three controversial bills limiting the access of abortion services, sex education, and repealing the states Equal Pay Enforcement Act. The press release for these bills, signed on Thursday, was not sent out until Friday, also listing 50 other bills he'd signed the day before. Among these bills is one that bans abortion coverage through a health insurance exchange and one that requires women to undergo a private examination with a doctor away from her friends and family. Another bill requires teachers to teach abstinence as the only sure way to prevent pregnancy in sex education courses and eliminates the education of contraception. He also signed SB 202 which repeals the Equal Pay Enforcement Act. The Equal Pay Enforcement Act, passed in 2009, gave workers opportunities to pursue complaints about pay discrimination in the work place and press charges where necessary. The repeal the Walker signed is now known as Act 219. Republicans explain: "Take a hypothetical husband and wife who are both lawyers...the woman takes time off, raises kids, is not go go go... The husband is making 200 grand a year, the woman is making 40 grand a year. It wasn't discrimination. There was a different sense of urgency in each person...you could argue that money is more important for men." -State Sen. Glenn Grothman, April 7th, 2012.
But the "War on Women" has taken root. New poll shows that likely republican candidate Mitt Romney trails Obama among women voters by 19 points.
Scott Walker Quietly Signs Anti-Abortion Measures, Repeals Equal Pay Act, Ahead of Easter Weekend.